WARNING: I am emotional today and this could end up very long.
This whole week I haven't slept well at night. Maybe it's the new time change that is causing Reagan to wake up an hour earlier, maybe it's just a list of things I feel like I have to get done before we go home for the holidays or maybe it's just that kind of a week. I am an over planner, I always have been so at nights I lay and think and think and think. Stupid things usually. Just little things that I just want or need to do, but also I have been thinking about where we will go after this job. I told myself I wasn't going to blog about this just yet, because we still have about 8 more months here in San Diego, but being the planner I am, 8 months isn't that long.
This job will be complete around August of next year and then off we will go somewhere else. Darrin's company does overseas work (For those who don't know, he is working in Tijuana and travels back and forth across the border everyday to work. It was not safe for us to live there as a family so we are here in San Diego, which worked out just perfect.) and next year we thought we would be going to Monterrey. However, Darrin's company did not win the bid for Monterrey and the only other job they were awarded overseas is in Africa. Obviously, Reagan and I would not go to Africa, so that means Darrin would be going alone. This is something that we never thought we would take on as a family, being apart, but as this job comes to an end we have to make a decision. Stay with the company, (which Darrin really enjoys) try to find a new job somewhere, (that Darrin could possibly hate) or Darrin to be a stay at home dad and I work. (ha, kidding)
Being in this type of job we have had to make these types of decisions before. Moving to another country after being married was just the beginning and it was one of the greatest times in our lives. Panama was a wonderful experience, Darrin and I had each other, have amazing memories, the country was beautiful and all in all it was a wonderful decision. After Panama, Darrin was asked to work Tijuana. All we heard was how dangerous it was, all the drugs, shootings, gangs and thus so far has been a wonderful experience for us. We were fortunate enough to live in San Diego and everything worked out just perfectly. Aside from being away from home, I really love it here and I am going to be sad when we have to leave.
I trust and know Darrin will make a good decision based on what is best for out family. I know all he does is for us and his decision will be the best decision. But for now all I can think about is the possibility of our family being apart. Not only a few states away, but countries away. As of right now it could be 6 months (which always ends up being 8, then 10) and there is another job that would last 2 years. Right now I am not going to even think about the 2 year job, I feel like to the both of us that one is totally out of the question. 2 years is way to long. But the 6 month job is the one that has me up thinking all night. That is the one I am more worried about.
I know we will figure it all out. God's plan is way bigger than we will ever know. I trust that he knows what he is doing and will take care of us.
On a brighter note today Reagan is 15 months old! Maybe that isn't a brighter note after all. My little girl is growing up so fast and I can't make it stop. She is such a happy, friendly, lovable little girl and I am so proud!
Daddy & Reagan, Mommy loves y'all very much and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for being so wonderful and making my everyday so special!
November 6, 2009
5 comments:
Geez Sis now I am emotional! My favorite part is you mentioning God's plan being way bigger. If yall just remember that, yall will be able to get through anything. Look at everything yall have already been able to get through especially you and Darrin being together all these years. I have no doubt you two will do what is best for your family. I am so proud and love yall very much.
Not going to lie, I am crossing my fingers you come HOME! I miss yall so much.
I am in a depressed kind of mood too, so your blog made me tear up a little. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. Aaron works for the railroad and has been traveling so much lately. I feel like a non-working single mom, if you know what I mean. I always feel guilt….if I worked he wouldn’t have to work as much….which isn’t even the case. His job required traveling, so me working or not, he still must travel. Then I worry about the boys not seeing Aaron enough like a typical 8:00-5:00 job would allow them to see him. Then….we don’t see our family (parents, siblings, etc.) enough….but when he is actually home, we want to have time with just the 4 of us. Reading your blog made me feel sad, but in an uplifting kind of way. I sometimes feel like I am the ONLY mom/wife that lives this way, but I’m not! God does have a plan for y’all, but it’s hard when you don’t know what His plan is. Thinking about you and your family….. (sorry this was so long!!!!)
Me three (teary-eyed, as I read) things will work out the way they are supposed to and you guys have made it through so much already. Change is always scary, but at the same time, change can be such a blessing. And I'm with Megan...I've got my fingers crossed too - the house across the street is for sale... :)
"Obviously, Reagan and I would not go to Africa"
?!?
Why is that obvious? It would be a WONDERFUL experience for your whole little family to go to Africa!
Erin, I wish I could take all your worries and concerns and turn them into problems solved. I find comfort in knowing that yours and Darrin's commitment to your marriage,family and faith will help you to be strong and patient in waiting on the answers to all your questions. Take a deep breath and smile at all your blessings and just know you are not on this journey alone. You will always have God beside you and family and friends to turn to. Decisions and plans can always be changed. We are all here for you,Darrin and Reagan. Always! I love you Erin. Mom
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